Did I Tell You?

I have a new site. Well its a myspace, but still its new for me.

Well if you like all the things that are great about idontlikeithere then feel free to visit The Party With The Pants or you can always click the link on the side to the right just there.


I will be posting different stuff on each site, just to keep you on your toes.

I don't feel so good

Last night was the work Xmas bash.


Fun was had by.........most. I had a ball.

We started the night with a game of name that tune, if you got it right then you got nominate someone to drink shots. Now I gave up drinking shots a long time ago, so long ago that I forgot why I stopped so I started again. I had a fair amount of drinks.

The thing with shots ya see, is they creep up on you and attack. You can drink three and not feel anything for ages, but then all of a sudden they gang up on you and all hit you at once. So when I say I had a fair amount I had about 10ish. They all got me at once.


Needless to say I was hammered and not in a very good state at all. I don't remember the night at all. I woke up this morning on a co-workers sofa

Main thing from last night, I was sick. A lot apparently. Also I was sick everywhere. The toilet, the table I was pretty bad to be honest. Thats not really like me but there you go. Yes folks I pulled an Eryn. From a few talks with people I have found out that I demanded to go outside where I lay on the floor because "I wanted to sleep". I think on some level I was trying to acheive the Holy Eyrn. I am glad to say that I didn't make that.

Normally when you are poorly you always ask for your mum. Well I was in a badway and so kept asking for the one person that knows more about drunkeness than anyone else. I kept asking for the Col. It was very frustrating asking people for my friend when none of them know him or how to get in contact with him. BTW its really simple, just drop a vodka bottle on the floor and that guy that comes running up and punches you in the face is the Col.


All in all it was a good night, I was sick but don't remember it so as far as I'm concerned it didn't really happen.

Plus the night helped me remember why I don't do shots, they make you throw up and make you feel like crap all the next day.



Ya live, ya learn.

I'm Sorry, What Did You Buy?

My mum and dad love to buy random crap. They are the type of people that will buy any gadget going cause "It will make their life easier".

Yes they are the type of people that bought a bread maker when they first came out. 1st question is obvious, did they ever make bread before buying this machine? Answer, No. After the first couple of months of having this new toy did they stop making bread and now is the bread maker just gathering dust in the kitchen? The answer is yes.


I remember some years ago my mum and dad went to a craft fair. Those of you not in the know about such affairs won't thank me for pointing out that its where women go to buy things to make other things. It is in places like this that you can purchase such things as coloured card, crimpling scissors, cross stitch patterns and so on. My mum is in to this sort of "Make it yourself cause its cheaper and more personnal" where in reality it should be "Make it yourself, it'll take more time and cost more, what with all the materials and what not plus all the tools for crimpling, and to be fair the only personnal thing about it will be the amount of blood you have dripped onto the f^&4ing card from all the bloody papercuts...........but its the thought that counts".

Anyway, my mum and dad return from the craft fair I ask them what they have bought.

Mum: A new car.

Craigy: *Puzzled* Sorry, you got that from the craft fair?

Mum: No on the way I saw it and thought it was good so I got it.

Craigy: *puts himself in the exact same position, If I was to see a car and think I must have it what kind of car would it be.......a nice flash one* What car did you get?

Mum: A Volvo.

Craigy: So you got a wardrobe on wheels, great.



This story just amuses me, but we are getting to my point. My mum and dad buy crap. Crap that they will never use.



So this morning my new credit card arrived and the tiny sticker on the front tells me to sign the back. I walk around the house trying to find a pen, and low and behold I can't find one.

But then, I happen across.........a quill.

Its a massive purple quill. Its in my kitchen right now.



I thought about looking for some ink, or even still looking for a pen, breaking it and using the ink for the quill just so when I go to the shop to use my card and they can't see my signature I can seem clever and sophisticated

"Has the ink rubbed off again? Sorry but I could only find goose ink to use with my quill today"



Of course all of the sophistcation goes right out of the window when I m stood there in my Tool t-shirt.



Perhaps if I wore a monocle..........and a top hat?

BRING IT ON!

There isn't a big enough hand in the world, to do a big enough rock hand for this.



I can't wait.


I always held off getting the boxset cause I knew they would make another one.

Before You Die II

This has been really hard. I find doing Top Ten's one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life ever.

It doesn't matter what its a list about you WILL get to number 8 and you WILL have 4 things that HAVE to be in the list. Nothing else can be dropped, you have to work out 2 from the 4, and you have got to work out what goes in and what does not.

I will admit right now that on one of these I have broken a Top Ten Album rule.


But I don't care, I followed all the rest...........and this was really hard.




Portishead, Dummy


Very creepy, chill out music. I will refrain from naming this "stoner music", but thats what it is. Its really good. The reason that Dummy makes it in and the first album "Portishead" isn't here is simple, on the first album (which is golden) there are a few stand out tracks that are brilliant. Whereas Dummy has at least 8-10 tracks (on a 10 track album) which could easily be the best song on the album. You just plain can't decide. The album got a real bad press when it came out, that it sounded "just like the first album". Yes it does. But thats Portisheads sound, its what they do and no-one else can match it.



Ray Lamontagne, Trouble



I went to see Garden State. It cheered me up. Its a great film by a great diretor/writer/actor Zach Braff. I was looking through his blog and every now and then it would have "Track of the week", one week it was Trouble. So I got my hands on this track and listened to it, then listened to it again. I listened to the song 3 times before I just ordered the CD. It turned up and I always listen to it. Honestly there isn't a week goes by where there isn't a Ray track (at least) on the ol' pod. Another story is, I was drunk and thought that my friends may also enjoy this album. So I bought them each a copy of it. But that one makes me out to be a generous drunk. And I don't like that kind of thing. Its not really my normal type of music, but it is brilliant.



OST, I Am Sam


Yes this is the rule breaker. A sound track in a list of best albums. Well, its kinda not a soundtrack cause they are all Beatles songs, but then it really breaks rules by being a over album. I was walking round HMV (CD/DVD store) and was listening to the music they were playing while looking for something to get to watch that night. "Holy crip, thats Eddie Vedder, but this is no song I know", so I went to the counter and they told me that they were playing the I Am Sam soundtrack. I walked out of there with the soundtrack and the DVD. Love the film adore the music. Its one of those wierd albums that you can use for anything. Singing along, chilling out to, unwinding, cheering up, getting sad to or just plain background noise. Its just great.


Muse, Absolution


I am a big fan of Muse. I love the varience you get on each album, plus Piano Riffs! *does metal hand thing* yes they rock. I have chosen the third album to go into the List. So, the first album is really good, but is kind of a diamond in the rough. Its everything that Muse do but its kinda not complete. Its like they put down all the songs that defined them as a band at that time. "We are Muse, and we go from plain rocking out, to chilling out, to rocking out with piano's", but because they were just some small band from Cornwall, not much time was put into it. Don't get me wrong its great and really enjoyable, but the production of the album could have been better. The 2nd album (Oigin o Symmetry) is great, its mainly rock and kicks ass. Absolution saw Muse go back to mixing things up and showing the complete range of their music talent that made them stand out from all the Nu-Metal shite that was going around. The variance o music styles will keep you on your toes if nothing else.



Weezer, The Blue Album.



The first three albums from Weezer will just plain knock you off your seat. The Green Album is the most up-beat album and would even cheer up Radiohead, and thats saying something. Tha album always reminds me of summer. Pinkerton doesn't remind me of anything its simpley really good. But out of the 3 its the Blue Album thats the best. I recently went to the Col's house, where we ended up getting drunk *odd that* and singing/shouting along to this album. Nothing to do wih this list. Well its kind of why it got here, its a great album, and i'm not he only one that thinks so. This album is guaranteed to rock your socks of with in 15 seconds of preesing play.





Done, also in case anyone is interested, albums that didn't make it:-

David Bowie, Best Of

Nine Inch Nails, Downward Spiral or maybe The Fragile

Incubus, Make Yourself

Glassjaw, Worship and Tribute

At The Drive In, Relationship Of Command

Ben Harper, *couldn't choose*

Faith No More, Angel Dust

Jon Brion, J'adore Huckabees (OST)

The Pixies, Surfer Rosa & Come On Pilgrim

Massive Attack, Mezzanine






Not easy. Bit I am happy with the 10 I have chosen, and hopefully its made you think about getting one of them, all really good and well worth your time.



I wish you luck in your new music quest.

Hey Everybody! Come And See How Great I Am

The last work party was aces. Had a really good time, got very drunk and did Kareoke, mainly David Bowie tracks and Starship.

The party entertainment was provided by a work person who does that sort of D J-ing. He was paid and did a set.

He got a bit drunk.


Then he got wasted.


Then he passed out.

I waited with baited breath for any version on an Eryn that I could get, but alas no luck.

So we took over and we played what the hell we wanted.


Now this aside for one second, the perfect night out, consists of the right people and the right amount of drink. To much drink means something stupid will happen, sometimes good sometimes not.

The wrong people and you will not have fun.

The place, the music, the cost are not really issues. These are things that will not affect how much fun you will have.


There is another staff party coming up, and the votes are in, looks like we are gonna be having it at work again.

We were talking about it and the guy that did the DJ-ing/passing out/letting us run amok with his gear turned around and said

"Well, its my fault that everyone wants the party here. I did such a good job last time. I'll have to do a bad job this time so that everyone wants to go else where"



Oooooooooohhhhhh, check you out. You're just so good at passing out and getting other people to do what you have been paid for. If every DJ did that then every club would be cool.


He played shit music, and in proper Kareoke style kept talking over all the music so you couldn't work out what the crap he was playing, and talking with the mic some where near the back of his throat so you couldn't work out what he was saying.

Seriously the only good thing he did was passing out and letting us go crazy on his expensive equipment whilst drunk! Hence loads of David Bowie.


So here's to another great party, plenty of drink and some good friends.



Shit music and an unconcious DJ, but its not like that matters to anyone really.

Before You Die

I need to pass on some knowledge to you good people. Things you need to know about and to have experienced before you die.

Yes, its time for Craigy's Top Ten Albums you need to hear before you die.


I'm not really one for top tens and the like, but I have noticed that some people don't know some really good bands. On this note everyone should go to Pandora and make your own channel, see what you get. You may be pleased with what you get, I always am.

Anyway, top tens are always bad news. How do you look at it? Is it going to be desert island top ten, the only ten albums you can listen to for the rest of your life? Perhaps your favourite albums? Or the completly different best albums? Or maybe you go with the best albums that you own that you actually think other people will like?


I have no idea where my top ten falls into. Really can't decide. These are brilliant, brilliant albums. I think I am leaning more to the "I own these albums and everyone should give them a go, cause they are golden."


In no particular order:-


Pearl Jam, Ten.

C'mon you knew that there was gonna be a Pearl Jam album here. Couldn't decide on which to go for so you may as well start at the beginning. Its great from the word go. I remember a long time ago the Col. turning to me and saying that his CD player was broken and the only CD it played was Ten, I think my responce was along the line of "Sorry, I'm not seeing the problem here", and we laughed the merry kind of laugh that friends do in jovial times. This before he consumed an entire bar and threw the player at me cause it wouldn't play the track he wanted to hear............ah good times Johnny good times......


Nirvana, Unplugged In New York.

Yeah this one wasn't easy. If I was gonna say best I would say Inutero. If I was gonna say fav then I would say Unplugged or Inutero. Its hard to call, but if you are a Nirvana virgin then its best to start with Unplugged as they can be a bit destructive, but in a good way. I'm reckoning if you don't know who Nirvana are then you are either dead or have been living on Pluto for the past 20 years. Seriously, one of the most important bands in music ever. Thats a scientific fact.

Fact I tells ya!


Tracy Bonham, The Burdens Of Being Upright

*lights pipe* Gather round and let me tell you a story. Back in the day, which by the way was a Thursday, we didn't have the internet. The only way you found out about new things coming out was by constantly watching TV, or having a cousin in America that told you everything. I constantly watchd MTV. They had mad little show on very late at night that played very odd and independant music. I remember a song about Fish heads. I shit you not. Anyway, with the help of this show I found out about Tracy Bonham, she is a very tasty lady that can sing, play the violin and also play the guitar. She has been described as the female Maynard James Keenan (by some geezer on youtube) I descrbe her as "Kinda like Alanis Morrisette, if Alanis wasn't whiny.........and was actually any good."


Tool, Aenima


Who the hell says that metal music can't be musical? Well who ever you are, listen to this album and you will see that you are wrong. I think Tool are a fantastic band, no-one ever tries to copy them cause it would be to obvious. They have such a unique sound. Maynard James Keenan has an amazing voice which would blow you right out of your pants. The thing that may put people off is the fact that most songs on this album are about 6 mins long. But trust me each song is brilliant in its own right. Eulogy alone makes this album an absolute must for anyone even thinking about getting into metal music.


Jack Johnson, In Between Dreams

Genuine feel good music. I like chilling out music as much as the next person (Portishead are amongst my fav albums) but this has an extra quality to it. Where as some people/bands will sit down and methodically work out the best way to exucute a song (and there's nothing wrong with that) it seems as if thats impossible for Jack Johnson. All of his music seems so natural, that to picture him taking time out to actually write songs seems absurd. I swear he just turned up and started playing, and the band started playing along with him and "hey presto" a magic album was born. So good is this album that even the mighty Jecka likes it and sings along.



I'm gonna leave it t these 5 for now, while I have a good long hard think about the next 5.


I just know I am gonna have issues.



I'm doing all of this for you, the good people.

Shhhhhhhh, I'm Hunting Wabbits

Jecka is over this weekend, so this of course means an obligatory trip to the cinema.

We went to see Open Season.


Its pretty weak to be honest. But I am always determined to find something out of every film I see that is good.

Well I didn't have to look hard in this. You see, the "main actors" in this CG film are Martin Lawrence and Ashton Kutcher. Now they are both blander than bland in this.

If you are in an animated film then you have to work harder, cause you can only act with your voice, as anyone that listened to the Futurama commantaries will tell you, Al Gore really went for it when recording for episodes.

I was surprised to hear my favourite voice actor in this film, so its not surprising that he was the best thing in the whole damned film.

I am talking of course about Patrick "THEY HIT ME WITH A TRUCK" Warburton.


He is used in just about every other animated film. Why? Cause he has a great voice and can really go crazy and mental.........and well maybe he gets carried away with it but thats what makes him stand out. When everyone else in the film is just reading the words on the page and one person is actually acting it makes them great.


So I did my usual and went to imdb to have a look at his profile. Then I thought why the hell not, I'll have a look at his "official website". Which is a myspace website.

Now is it just me or does that music thats playing not make this guy even better?


Yes it does. And look at all the stuff that he likes as well. The man is a legend.



Also Jecka lost two teeth this week and has another loose, at 6 this is pretty good going. Her teeth are only coming out cause others are growing through.


As always she comes out with some cracking lines.

We were watching Children In Need and she was clapping, she turned to my brother and told him to clap. He said no.

"Clap, *leaning in and pointing a finger right in his face* Come on, you're sad enough...........and you'll die enough."

I am an important person!

Today was the normal crappyish day. Lots of work, with extras dropping in left right and centre.

But, there was an evil presence, something looming over head that made me feel ill and a chill.

At 16:00 today I had an interview to become an NGS. Now that sounds (hopefully) better than it actually is.

I mean loads of people have all these letters that mean job titles just to make them sound better. But I am betting that their job is just as crap and un-fulfilling as the rest, for example I'm sure M.D (what ever that means) is a pretty crappy job.

NGS means Non Gaming Supervisor. Which means I can lock up and open up my work without a manager there.

I was 100% confident going into this that I knew all of the answars. Ready to go, bring it on!!!!!


Got to the interview and made an arse out of myself. Forgot everything and struggled my way through.

Kinda like every exam I have ever taken in my life. Thats where I got my lovely grey patch from, gotta love the pressure from teachers and the good ol' G.C.S.E'S

Manager: So what information is displayed on such and such

Craig: Err........*looking up* This this.........this and this?

Manager: You're making this up aren't you.

Craig: 100%.


Yes that conversation actually happened.



But low and behold, I actually passed.


So now I am Craigy_Boy TL NGS


Slowly and surely getting somewhere. Only problem really is the fact that all of the stuff I have mean NOTHING outside of my company.


Mind you, guess the same goes for all those M.D's.

Banzai!!!!!

Hello folks,

I am currently on holiday from work, yet went in today.

Why? Well this is our charity week and tonight was my attempt at raising money.

It was a simple idea. Basically myself and Dave (Bighead) were to dress up in inflatable Sumo suits and wrestle on the full houses of the main session book.

Sounds like a barrel of laughs. Plus Dave and I are good friends so it would be fun and not that competitive really. Plus I mean they are inflatable suits so we can't really get hurt or anything.


Well that was the plan........*toilet flushes* Oh dear that idea seems to have gone down the toilet.

Well here are some pictures to get you all going.











Now you look at that first picture and think "My looks like they are going to have good family fun"


But you would be wrong.



It was a best of 5 fights.


Fight one.

The plan was.............well there was no ruddy plan. We decided that we would just go for it and see what happened.

Well, the countdown came and went the next thing I know Dave is running at me like a mad man, really he was drooling and kinda wonky-eyed. I didn't know what the hell to do but thought "I am wearing inflatable armour that'll save me" BIG MISTAKE. He crashed into me and my suit deflated instantly. I tried to fight back, but learned a quick lesson.

You can't fight back much when someone running at you hits you in the neck with their shoulder and sends you crashing to the floor.

Its not a lesson I thought I was going to learn today, but I learned it, and learned it quickly and with difficult breathing.

Round one to Dave.

Fight 2

We were on the stage, now the manager had decided that we had best take down all the railings so that people could see what was happening. I said this was a bad idea as we could fall off and hurt ourselves or maybe even catch a case of death. All in all not a good idea. This wasn't heard and down the railings came.

The second fight was over almost as quickly as the first. Dave once again came flying at me, I thought "he is running fast I will move to the side and he will fall out of the ring declaring me the victor" Sadly Dave isn't blind. He saw this and got me, I was fighting back pretty well. He was trying to push me out of the ring, nothing out of the normal really, we both realised how close I was to where the railing should be and we both kinda stopped. I say kinda cause Dave stopped pushing me across and started pushing me down. I wasn't ready for this.

Round two Dave.

Fight 3

Right I was ready for him now. Git. I was gonna take him down. He beat me by flooring me the first time and pushing me down the second, not this time.

The countdown came and I gave as good as I got. I got pushed ALMOST to the floor but was able to fight my way back up. Only problem was that as soon as I was about to stand up and get my balance back, Dave was there slamming me back down. I think I got ALMOST up about twice before I just plain couldn't stand anymore and Dave shoved me to the floor again.

Round Three Dave

Fight 4

Right this is for pride. I have to win one of these God damn fights, this is just pathetic. I mean what kind of idiot can't even beat someone his own weight and height in an inflatable suit what was that noise? Oh crap we're back at it.

Yeah he came out of now where and was grabbing at me, I actually got a hold of him this time and could hear cheering as I tried my damndest to throw him out of the ring. I got a grip of him and went to chuck him.....................but he just pushed me to the floor. Me still holding his suit. Which ripped.

Round four Dave.


I gave up after that. There is no point flogging a dead horse. And I was knackered.

So Dave won fair and square. But it was fun. In a way.

Well in the only way getting your ass kicked in an inflatable sumo suit can be fun.........yep with alcholic, gambling addicted scumbags cheering you on cause they want to win a hoover AND a chocolate fountain.


We raised over £200 for Breast Cancer.



Quote of the night.


Dave: "Craig, we are doing this for Breasts"


Yes we are,

*Long pause*


Yes we are.

UPDATE

This is the first fight.

SO Money

I swear to God if this doesn't make you wet yourself laughing there is something wrong with you.



Its just that simple.

And Relax.........

I did it!

I worked 27 consecutive shifts.

So whats next, I hear you ask. Well I have one night off then I have another 2 full days to do and that will be the end of my 16days/160hours.

I have been keeping up with my tally charts.

14days worked.

29 Teas

80 Coffeess

20 Red Bulls

137 hours worked!

I should be able to put in about 10 hours a day over the next 2 days which will take me up to 157 hours, just shy of my original mark, but not bad going really.


After this is all done I will have two weeks (t-twoooooo weeeeekkks) off work. But I have to go in for two of those. One is a meeting with a National Manager, and the other is blogging material. Such good material it is that I am going to class it higher than aces and knock it up a notch and proclaim it *BAM* GOLDEN!


But more on that later.


Would also like to point out to anyone thats interested this is happening. Bloody thing won't let me copy the proper link. But look the Sci-Fi weekend is back. Bobba Fet AND the little dude from Willow what more can you ask for. Needless to say I am going and jecka is coming with.

I hope to see you there!


I should have gotten enough sleep by then so will be ready to wear myself out by running around like an idiot!

There's a gringo In The Bingo

As some of you are aware I read at least 2 books to Jekca every night she stays over. These are always Dr Seuess books as she loves them.

One of them is called "There's a wocket in my pocket" It's a very short story about a boy that lives in ahouse with some very unusual characters.

For example we are expected to belive that there is a "Findow" in his window, and a "bofa" on his sofa. You get the idea. The book ends with the lines "I don't care if you belive it, thats the kind of house I live in, and I hope we never leave it"


Well my place of work is exactly the same. Its host to many different types of people (customers and staff alike) and wether you belive it or not they exist. Only difference is I hope to one day move on and escape this mad house, although I have this horrible feeling that all Bingo places are the ruddy same.

We were all stood around today and mocking a customer that sits right at the back of the hall. He sits there cause he is always coughing. Nothing out of the ordinary there, the guy coughs so what? Well he is constantly smoking which can't be helping. Plus to ease his coughing he drinks about 12 pints of premium beer.

Ok I know what you are thinking, "an alcoholic chain smoker that coughs AND plays bingo? Surely not!"

But thats not all! And yes, please don't call me Shirley.

You see this man.....................has a blue face. He is so fat, that I belive, he is cutting off all flow of blood to his head AND blocking his throat, thats why he coughs so pigging much. Now you must agree a fat man with a blue face thats not a member of the Blue Man Group is something out of the ordinary.

But then this is the conversation that took place

Craigy: I hate that guy, he is clearly un-healthy yet continues to smoke non-stop and drink non-stop. I mean he has a blue face, thats not normal. When he holds his cig to his face his hand is a different colour, thats just plain wrong.

M: I call him Choker, just cause he is always coughing like a git, never pauses apart from to down his beer in three gulps. Thats what scares me, drinking that bloody quick.

Craigy: Thats what scares you? Not the blue face that he has?

M: Well that as well.

*chuckle from all around*

*Another member of staff walks around*

AMOS (AKA S): What are we laughing at?

Craigy: The guy with the blue face.

S: Oh alright, do these trays need doing still?


No thought, no worry, just accepted that there is a guy with a blue face and carried on with the job in hand.

One day I will catalouge all the weirdos that work and are customers in my place and have them all for display!


I don't care if you belive it, thats the shit hole I work in, and I hope to leave it.........very soon!

All Work And No Play......

I am still alive!

*Carefully listens for collective cheer*

World: Sorry did you say something?

Well, its now day 10. I am getting more tired as the days pass. You know when you wake up sometimes and you forget what day it is? Well thats happening all the bloody time now. Sometimes half way through a day I will still be wondering.

Scores on the doors:

10 days.

101 Hours worked.

13 Red Bulls

21 Teas. I am currently working on my 21st.

54 Coffees.


I have noticed now that no matter how much I drink its no longer working. I think I am actually building up an amunity to caffeine. Which is really not good.

When I am at work I'm ok, not that tired and just get on with everything. Its the trip to work and back home that I am most tired. I'm not finishing this week before 11:00pm, so that means I get a taxi home paid for. Which is nice. But past experience has taught me that if you fall asleep in a taxi they can get a "bit irrate" to say the least.

But oh well.

I have made a few purchases from iTunes as well to make the trips seem less tedious.

Yourcodenameis:milo, I got both their albums. Click here for the song that made me go "My golly, they are a bit good, I'll get their album"

And also got,

A Piano Tribute to Pearl Jam. No lyrics just pianos playing Pearl Jam songs. Its good on the "Thats something a bit different" scale. This morning I played What peral Jam Song Is This Meant To Be? game.


but thats enough from me, I am going to fall in to a coma for about 6 hours before I have to do another 11 hours at work.

Just in case anyone is wondering how haggered I look I took a picture, its modelled on our friend Eryn.


Have fun folks!

Day Six

Hello!

Just in case you all thought I had died I thought I had best post and give you all an update.

I must point out that I can't give you an amount of sleep that I have been getting as I have no idea when I fall asleep. That would require me to wake up and look at the clock, which would put it back some, then when drifting off again I would need to look at the clock and wake myself up again etc etc etc.

Plus I haven't been sleeping to well recently.

But I can tell you, that in six days

I have drank 13 Teas

26 Coffees

and 6 Redbulls.

not more than normal at present. Which is quite good. I expect my caffeine counter to rocket up over the next few days. I am really starting to feel tired beyond belief.

I have, after all, worked *drum roll* 61 hours over 6 days.

Thats 12 hours over the legal limit and I still have 2 days to go for the week.

12 consecutive shifts under my belt and only 15 to go!


I have spoken to Dave. He holds the most consecutive shifts worked record, and he has done 21. So I am out to beat the figure.

I am really tired and need to get to sleep.

So I will report back later when hopefully caffiene has kicked in and I am ready to take on the World, but not sleep, oh no never sleep.

Project Masochism

The scene: A managers office. Pictures of a happy family around the place, awards and such like "manager of the Year" around the place. We have 2 managers sat at a desk.

Manager 1: So the week starting the 22nd of this month we have how many people on holiday?

Manager 2: We have 8 people off on holiday.

1: ok then, are they part time or full time workers?

2: Oh, they are all full time workers.

1: Bugger, are they at least on different departments?

2: Nope they are all from the same department.

1: Right, so who gave them all holiday?

2: Me.

1: Right, we need to cover our backs here, we need lots of people to do some over time and cover all of these shifts.

2: Or.......

1: I'm listening.

2: We just need to trick and guilt one person into doing loads of hours in one week!

1: Thats brilliant! Who is the only person we haven't given time off to?

2: That'd be Craigy.

1: Well send him in!




Yes folks I have to work an incredible amount of overtime over the next 16 days. I have been asked to work 15, but am going to do an extra day as part of a challenge I have set myself.

I have worked out that I will do about 160.25 hours over 16 days. All consecutive!!!!!

European working directive states that no-one should work over 49 hours in one week. I am going to piss all over that and near enough double it each week.


This all starts on Saturday at 11:00. After that I am working 16 days straight without one day off.



I will be keeping tracks of how many hours sleep I get, how much time I am working for and how many caffeine drinks I will have (Tea, coffee and red bull) for the whole duration.

If I don't post or keep in contact with anyone one of a few things has happened:

1, I'm dead
2, I am asleep and the counter is running.
3, I'm dead
4, I have given up on sleep and am polishing the carpet.........at work.

In any event I will be posting updates and let you all know how much caffeine is on me and how many hours I have worked.



Wish me luck!

Yet another youtube thingy!

I love the original Star Wars. No special edition nonsense, I mean the original ORIGINAL versions.

I grew up watching them and love them completely.


When Episode 1 came out I was very excited and couldn't wait to go and see it.

But then I went to see it and wasn't happy.

Then Episode 2 came out, I knew it wasn't going to be good, so it took me about 2 years to actually watch it. I wasn't surprised to find it crappy.

And well, don't even get me started on Episode 3.


I love this Youtube animation.


I hate George Lucas, but then again, if I had the amount of money he does..........I'd most likely go mad as well!

Dont Drink With This Man

Ok, Craig might have mentioned me to you: I’m that Kelly-chick from the States (Pennsylvania to be exact). I’ve been hired as... well... a co-writer, I guess?
But word of warning, 90% of my blogs are written while I’m under the influence...
(See “Harry Potter and President Bush”)

Either way, I figured I should take this opportunity to introduce myself.
So here it is: *clears throat* Hello people of the internet!

(Cheers)

So there is this one guy (Eryn) who keeps showing up at parties I’m at, sort of a friend of a friend... And it never fails... Every party... He will lie down and throw up in the street.

Now, It comes as a surprise to me each time, because he seems like a strong drinker, (Mind you he’s like 167 pounds, and about 5'6.) He seems fine, putting away beers all night, but around one in the morning, he’ll trudge out to the street, crouch down, and a few minutes later he’s in the fetal position... puking.

The first time it happened, I was extremely intoxicated, so I stood over him yelling: "Learn to hold your alcohol!”

I mean, even thinking about it sober....
Who lays down to throw up?
Seriously?

Fetal Position...

With his hand on his stomach

It’s rather sad to watch....
But ever party... at some point during the night... you will hear the words “Hey! Eryn threw up!”

Alas, When I confront him about it:

“Kelly” (9:09:28 PM): Maybe stay off the alcohol tonight...
"Eryn" (9:09:22 PM): Maybe u should learn to drink
“Kelly” (9:09:28 PM): Maybe you should
"Eryn" (9:09:29 PM): I can!
"Eryn" (9:33:01 PM): It doesn’t make everyone sick...just a lot of people...

The Best Picture of Eryn I could find...
(Picture edited by Craig)

Now picture him laying down
And puking up
While giving the thumbs up
"Hey look Eryn is in the fetal position again, hey dude you ok?"
Eryn *does thumbs up*
Then vomits...

So, here are some new words to add into your vocabulary:

“Eryn” for Puke
- “Hey, I think I’m done for the night... I just pulled an Eryn..”

“Holy Eryn” for Laying Down to Puke
- “You have to see this! Amy is about to do a Holy Eryn!”

And, if you ever have the chance to be graced by his presence:
“Original Holy Eryn” for when Eryn, himself, is the one doing the laying down and puking
- “I never thought I’d see it, but I witnessed an Original Holy Eryn, and I have the stains on my shoes to prove it!”

Alright, that’s all I have for tonight... until next time!

I have complained a hell of a lot about the people that I work with, and how they are all dumb.

Well I was right then and I'm right now.

I was sat in the staff room watching the news ( I didn't have a chance to read a paper that morning so was trying to catch up on the current events of the world).

Anyway, I was watching Channel 5 news (sounds foreign don't it!) and there was a piece about the Amish funeral that was about to take place.

I am sat there watching and another person walks in we will call her S........

S "Whats all this about then?"

C "Huh?"

S "Whats this on the news?"

C "The Amish funeral is today for those little girls"

S "What little girls?"

C "The ones that were shot"

S "What happened? Someone shot Amish people?"

C "No, someone shot Amish school girls, it's been on the news all week. Its been in the papers and everything"

S "No, I've not heard anything about this"

At this point there is a long silence where I have tired of her idiocy while SHE is trying to think of something else to say................

So after this pause and the conversation where she has shown no idea of whats happening in the world around her she comes out with

S "Did you see George Michael in the paper the other day.............back on the drugs!"






I was so annoyed that I just walked out of the room.

Way To Lazy

Yes I am way to lazy to actually put anything on here at the min, so I will give you some youtube links.

I have subscribed to baratsandbereta.

they are very funny, so funny infact that you may wet yourself while watching.



You have been warned!

White Rap


Ninja Rap


Bible Bashing

Insurance Quote



Really they are very funny.


Watch all of their stuff. But, if you question whats going on with these two, then watch this.


Bugger forgot the best, the office war!

Playing Catch Up

I recently borrowed and read "Watchmen".

I have often heard huddled groups of geeks going on about its brilliance and never bothered myself with it. Really don't know why, just never been much of a comic book kinda guy. I have read a few and even own some, but have never followed them.

I read in empire that it is "finally" going to be made into a film. I have heard Trench and Col Orange argue about this many times, so finally thought I should get round to reading it.

The Col, upon finding out what I was planning to read, said:

"You know how everyone always goes on about Citizen Kane, and how its a great master piece, well directed, acted and written? But then you watch it and its dull as f***! Well Watchmen is the complete opposite, everyone goes on about how great it is cause, its that good!"


Well folks i have read it.

And high praise is indeed due. Its mental. I mean..........wow!

The best way for me to explain it........I read all the reviews about Fight Club and they were all good. Everyone that had seen it liked it. It didn't seem like my thing, but I rented it out to see Brad Pitt get beaten up. 30mins in and I'm hooked. When it had finished it left me spinning. A few days later and I still hadn't stopped thinking about it. I watched that film so many times, everyone was right, its mental! It is my fav film of all time.

Well replace Fight Club with Watchmen. Even if you aren't into comics in a big way, you will still like it. Its so well written. You have to read all the stories inbetween the chapters as well, cause that adds to everything.

It cannot be made into a film. There is just way to much going on for it to work on any level. Terry Gilliam said back in the 80's that it wouldn't work as a film, but would make it if it was 12 one hour long specials, like a Mini-series. That would work better but I am willing to bet you would still lose way to much.


Best off leaving it as a book.

Harry Potter and Bush

(By: Kel Kel)
Breaking News

".... and experts say Harry Potter is taking over the world."

"I don't know what their talking about... this is my wedding ring..."

No, silly. That's Lord of the Rings... not Harry Potter...

Well I thought they was the same thing. Everybody knows that JK lady plagiarized the whole thing....

Hmm...

Fans pile into book stores everywhere just to buy a copy of the sacred text for themselves..

I wish I knew what was so damn great about that wizard book

You mean this book?

Who are you?

Now, that fine female is J.K. Rowling. Author of the Harry Potter Series.

HEY KERRY! You's is supposed to be locked in your room... remember? Ya ninny-head.

...

If you want to learn about Harry Potter,

you'll have to come to England and meet him.

Get my bags together, Dick... Im going to English to find that J.K.

You mean England.

...

...

That too.

Wingardium Leviossa!

Someone get that kid out of here.

IN LONDON

Damn, these London women are fine....

Wingardium Leviossa

If there is a god he will send a lightning bolt down upon

Every fat kid in the world at this very moment....

Wingardium Leviossa!

why I oughtta....

President Bush, you must listen to me. I am not a real wizard, I am an actor.

Damn, I wish I knew how to speak wizard....

Are you listening to me?

...

Whats he sayin, bush?

?

Wingardium leviossa!

Alright you little bastard. You've casted your spells for once and for all..

TO BE CONTINUED............

Way To Cool To Be Six

Met up with Jecca and her mum the other day.

Jecca had some pictures done of her and her sister ages ago. I ordered the biggest picture I could get of Jecca on her own (also have a picture of her and her sister). Hadn't seen it just knew I wanted it straight the way.

I got it.........and I have to say that she looks really beautiful and great in it. But then you would expect that.

When her mum showed me the pic, she told me that everyone she has shown it to has said "you should put her up for modelling".

Now, I am against models. If Jecca wants to be one, then so be it. I will help her out. BUT THE SECOND SHE GOES ON A DIET OR ANYTHING DUMB LIKE THAT I WILL GO MENTAL!

Jecca turned round and said......

"I don't want to be a model, I don't want to sing............................I want to learn the drums."




Fine by me girl.



I will post a picture of the picture when I get a good one.



I was so proud I went around the customers and other staff and showed it off.


Jecca is way to awesome to be only 6. Everyone would benefit from meeting her.



Yes I am overally proud, but I have good reason to be.

Two Sides To Every Story

Every now and then Jecca stays over. When it comes time for bed she brushes her teeth, I get her a bowl of biscuits and some juice for the night and I read her 2 Dr Seuss books.

The other night I had sent her upstairs to get her teeth brushed while I got her bedtime snack.

Craigy: I am in the kitchen getting the bowl out of the cupboard and looking for biscuits when....

Jecca: I screamed as loud as I could when I saw it. I was scared out of my skin, I needed help so screamed for my Daddy

Craigy: I dropped the bowl and ran as fast as I could upstairs. As I got closer to the top Jecca was outside the bathroom crying and pointing into the bathroom.

Jecca: My Daddy was running faster than I had ever seen. I pointed into the bathroom so that he could get him.

Craigy: Hang on did she just say "him"? I kicked the door open and was ready for anything.

Jecca: So.....Dad just stood there and look confused.

Craigy: "Jecca there is no-one here? What happened?"

Jecca: Dad just hadn't seen him yet, so I pointed at him.

Craigy: Why in gods name is she pointing above me? I looked up and there it was.............the biggest bloody moth I have ever seen in my life.

Jecca: My dad just walked calmly out of the bathroom picked something up and went back into the bathroom.

Craigy: I am terrified of moths. I hate all flying insects. I jumped out and picked up something to kill it fatally with. I saw a DVD case. Oddly enough "The Love Bug". I had no love for this bug. I walked back into the bathroom.

Jecca: Dad closed the door behind him. He did this so I didn't see him kill it, plus he didn't want it to escape.

Craigy: I closed the door so that Jecca didn't see what a big wuss I am with moths, plus I didn't want it to escape. What if I couldn't find it. It might land on me when I'm asleep. *shudders*

Jecca: There was lots of banging and crashing, then the light went out.

Craigy: The bloody thing was moving so quick round the light, I tried throwing stuff at it but that didn't work. I thought I could calm it down by switching the light off.

Jecca: It all went quiet for a while.

Craigy: I stood there in the dark and then realised..............crap this thing could be anywhere now!

Jecca: The light came on and TWACK!

Craigy: I turned the light on and the rudding thing was on the wall next to me, without hesitating I hit it.

Jecca: The toilet flushed.

Craigy: Scooped up the dead moth and flushed it away. Then went out to make sure Jecca was ok.

Jecca: Daddy walked out the Hero he is, "You're the strongest Daddy ever!" I gave him a big hug.

Craigy: Who the hell am I to ruin this moment? "Thank you Jecca I did it all for you".

Kids Do The Darndest Things

Those crazy Japanese are at it again.

Another High-larious TV series. Its the old collection of odd home movies that people send in.

Here is one for your amusement.


Did that make you chuckle?


Well watch it again and sing The Final Countdown REALLY LOUD.

Not just a baby, not just a Kung-Fu Baby he's a Magic Kung-Fu Baby!


BAA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAA-DA

What makes me tick?

I was bought a t-shirt.

It explains me better than anyone else ever could.


"Anger is like a soul that gets thing accomplished"


Just you remember that!

Homage/Rip Off

This was a post on the most humourous site that leads anyone here.

Now I cannot remember the first single or even the first album I bought. To be honest I stole a lot of music from my brother and that sent me off in all kinds of crazy tangents.

My best friends in the world opened my ears to many other wonderous things......such as D-Rock!

But seriously I wish I could remember the first album I bought.

I recall getting Pearl Jam Ten for £10 which I thought was funny. Heard they were good, and it was a funny price. They are my favourite band. EVER. I will one day get a Pearl Jam tattoo I love them so much.

So, because I can't recall my first album/single I am going to tell you all my favourite 13 songs.
Music should do one of 2 things. Move you emotionally or remind you of something. Dance music is good, if you want to get up and dance, and goth music works if you wanna feel shit, thats what I mean about music affecting you emotionally.

Hopefully, unlike the above linkage, this will lead to opening doors for you and not moking for me.

In no order, APART FROM THE FIRST TRACK.

1, Pearl Jam, Coudroy. This song in a nutshell makes me feel alive. I have played it to people and they have said that it speaks about me. Some parts do, some don't. I love it so much it hurts sometimes.

2, Al Green, Lets Stay Together, Reminds me of 2 years when I was truely happy.

3, Chairmen Of The Board, Give Me Just A Little More Time. The emotion that the guy sings with......its incredible. This is a real song. Its outstanding.

4, National Express, Divine Comedy. Reminds me of someone very special.

5, Lullaby, The Cure. Its the creepiest song ever written and it gives me chills just thinking about it.

6, Dumb, Nirvana. I don't care either the original or the acoustic. More the acoustic. Such an amazing song.

7, Into the Void, Nine Inch Nails. All differnet sounds that shouldn't work together...........but do. Love it.

8, I Just Don't Think I'll Ever get Over You, Colin Hay. Helped me through some real bad times.

9, Lady Elanor, Lindesfarne. Again another creepy song that grabs you by the magic sack and demands your attention. Props to my mum for this one. Made one of my friends cry when he first heard it.

10, Float On, Modest Mouse. Go on....listen to it and tell me it doesn't cheer you up.

11, Bullet In Your Head, Rage Against The Machine. I have injured myself for days rocking out to this.

12, Please, Ray Lamontagne. Again a very heart felt song that hits me and I can agree with.

13, Trippin' On A Hole In A Paper Heart, Stone Temple Pilots. If Modest Mouse didn't do it for ya, this will. You will have a smile on your face and feel better after listening to this.


I am so tempted to name many other tracks, but I won't.

Without these 13 tracks I probably wouldn't be the sarcastic bastard that everyone hates.

I would be someone better............maybe.

Cruise-ing Along

A big exec sits in his office on the phone.

"Yes Sir, right away Sir. I'll get right on it."

*Hangs up the phone, presses intercom button*

"Can you send him in please?"

Exec sits at his desk looking at the closed door. A cat flap, flaps. The step ladder next to the door moves up, hovers and moves over to a chair. Sound of someone moving up the steps.

"Hello Mr Cruise"

"Its Lord Cruise now"

"Riiiight, we need to talk..."

"About scientology?"

"Well kinda, look its your behaviour recently...."

"Yeah its Scientific, isn't it? Jumpers for Spaceships"

"Look Tom I need you to be silent"

"But how can I tell you about the wonders of Scientology if I am silent?"

"*sigh* Ok, put your finger on your lips. You have been going a bit........well, mental recently. Yelling at people about Scientology, demanding massive wages for piss poor performances. For crying out loud you're no Brad Pitt. And what the hell was with your dancing on BET?"

"I was trying to show the kids how funky and fresh my moves are.......word to your Momma" Tom smiles his smile showing ALL teeth*

"Tom your hypnotic teeth tricks will not work on me. Look we are going to drop you"

"But why? You want to sign me on for many more years *flash of teeth*"

"Tom, once again that won't work on me. The network is scared of you since you were on Oprah"

"So I jumped on the sofa a bit and *does quote hand thing* maybe got a bit carried away with the Scientology thing"

*Exec pushes a button and a big tv rolls down behind him. Lifting a remote and without turning around he switches it on. This is the next 15 seconds on that screen.*

"Yeah..........I don't remember that"

"I suppose you don't remember acting school either, don't make me put on War of the Worlds"

"No please do"

"We don't have time for this, you're fired please leave"

"You can't fire me I quit!"

"Actually I said it first so you are fired, you didn't quit"

"But thats what I'll tell people"

"Thats nice.............now please leave"

"Can I at least keep my trailer?"

"*sigh* we thought you might ask for that. *opens a desk drawer and places the toy Optimus prime on the desk* There you go now please leave"

"I can't carry that! I'm not a Giant! Have someone drive it to my house. *jumps of the chair, runs over to the cat flap crying and arms flailing. He reaches the door and stops, turns around wipes his nose on his sleeve. And gives the finger*"

"Oh, you wanna play like that huh Mr Tough Guy? Lets make this interesting. *presses intercom* Release the hounds."

I'm not dead.......yet!

Hello again interweb.........OF TOMORROW!

I have been away for a while...........what do you mean you didn't notice?

Well screw you.

I have been away cause my credit card expired and I didn't notice so had stopped paying for my interweb connection, and didn't notcie. Got cut off and noticed right the bloody way!

Not having my computer on all the time meant I had to find other ways to entertain myself.

1, Adultswim have a 2 hour marathon every night on the Bravo channel. Its aces. It starts ad midnight and has Robot Chicken, Venture Brothers and of course Sealab 2021. Its crackingly good.

2, There is a new drink out called Slate. Its brill. I love it. More hardcore and manly than say a Smirnoff Ice. Its bourbon!


To be honest the best thing to hve happened recently is Kelly is appearing back online more often, and so am talking to her. In between her busy lifestyle/time zones.

But its ace to have her back!


So until something of some kind of interest happens, catch you later!

Can-dee BAM

Sweeties are great and wonderful things. They come in all shapes, sizes and colours.

Sweets are enjoyed by everyone, see here and here.

Its the colours that are most important. The colours are what define the flavour, and the purple/black ones and red ones are always the best. The worst are ALWAYS the green ones. No-one likes the green ones ever.

My little brother still refuses to eat the green Smarties. No idea why, he can't even explain it.

Ages ago, I bought a packet of Opal Fruits (thats their real name) to eat with Jecca while we watched Labyrinth for her first time. I decided that we should split up the sweets so that it was all fair. We pour the sweets out and she starts picking up all of the purple, red and some orange ones. Leaving me green and some orange.

Craigy: Whats happening here, why do I get all these ones?
Jecca: *a look across her face like I should know* Cause those *pointing at green* are horrible.

I would have been mad if she didn't make such a damn good point.

So colour defines flavour in sweets.

Or does it?

Yes my friends the marshmallow. The only sweet in the world that no matter what colour it is, it still tastes the same. Why?


Really I want someone to explain to me why marshmallows all taste the same.


Answers on the back of a postcard to the usual address.

Mine or Yours?

I hate it when you are talking to someone and they rub their nose. Not a normal rub using both thumb and fore-finger and kinda pinching their nose. I am on about the single finger single nostril rub.

When you are talking to someone and they do that my immediate reaction is "Shit I have something hanging out of my nose, which nostril are they trying to tell me its in?"

It is at this point that the world is split (cleaved if you will) into two equal parts. Lets say that the person you are talking to is rubbing their left nostril. Now are they the sort of person that belives that they are a mirror view of you so you should get that crappy bit of dried up snot from your RIGHT, or are they the kind of person that is showing you the exact nostril that the scabby green/red/orange/some new kind of colour dried up snot is hanging out of?

Because they are obviously to embarresed to tell you about it you have to do the thumb and fore-finger both nostril pinch and pray that you feel something.




But you won't.


It is at this point where everything goes crazy.

The person you are talking to just rubbed their nose, and then you did. This makes them think that they have loosened some crusty booger and it is now hanging from their nose. They will now rub their nose and then you will do the same. The same awkward glances are shared between the two of you as you try to discover the offensive matter that is dangling from your nose.


Just speak damn you!

We don't live in that a polite world where we can't just yell

"Hey scumbag! Would you please get that bo-gey out of your nose and show it to the group so we, as men, can look at it and be impressed/embarressed by you with its huge/lack of size."



You are sickened, yet you know its true. I have had to actually stop myself from waking girlfriends to show them the size of ear wax/bo-geys in the past.


Come on you know you want to as well!

And That Ends That

I have found the best way to end an argument.

Its not......"your mum"

Basically I was having an argument with some customers at work and I thought of what to say to shut them up. Didn't have the courage to say it to them, but if I did it would have shut them up forever.

Its really simple I wish I had thought of it earlier.

Customer: Why don't you do this........blah blah blah. I think that if you did X, Y and Z then A,B and C would be better and that would make everyone happier and everyone would appreciate the hard work that you are putting in here. This would result in you getting married and having a loving family and never wanting to put a golden bullet into your head. Which would make the world turn much more happily, cease poverty and in time make the world a peacefull and Bushless place.

Craig: Cause...................I 'ate you. *walks away*


yes folks its that easy. Just tell the person that is argueing with you that you " 'ate" them and walk away.

This may lead to a further argument put at least you have stopped the one you were having.

Double Whammy!

Took Jecca for her first double bill today.

Over The Hedge.

Very funny and well done. Very cartoony but such a cracking cast that it couldn't possibly go wrong.

Bruce Willis, who is a great actor. Jumping from Roles like John MacClane and Hartigan to Korben Dallas easily.

Stever Carrel, you should know about him. He is brilliantly funny. Having him as a hyper-active squirrel was great. You can just picture him in the recording booth, makes me think of Al Gore in the Futurama episode........you know the one.

William Shatner, as an over actor........BRILLIANT!

Also has.........(hang on to you're seats) The Strobe. Mind blowingly good cast.

Its very funny normal kind of kids plot which won't make you think that much, but good fun had by all.

A strong 8/10



Next in line was Cars


Cars was........ok. This film is being marketed to kids as being brilliant and that they have to see it and love it and then get all of the toys to go with it.

Oddly enough I felt the same about Finding Nemo. The film wasn't that good, but everyone was raving about it.

The animation on the cars was very cartoony but, all the backdrops were mind blowingly good. There is one bit when you have two cars racing, one has a reflective sticker on, the light is reflecting onto the car next to it.............I mean really well. Its the subtle things like that, that are putting Pixar on the map.

Avoiding the marketing and just looking at the film as it is, gives you the normal morals that you'd expect from a Disney influenced film. But it is enjoyable none the less.

7/10

So comedy wins over all for me.

Jecca prefered Cars but agreed that Over The Hedge was funnier. And it only took three hours of screaming at her, she's learning.

The Fizzle of Diet Cizzle is Rizzle

Read about it ages ago. Finally got round to doing it.

And I can report back and declare without a shadow of doubt that........

Emptying a Pack of Mentos into a 2 litre bottle of Diet Coca-cola cause a fizz fountain about 6ft high.

Main problem is that it only lasts about 2 seconds.

I have looked through youtube and found this is the way to make it last longer.

Well thats another trip to Tesco and even more dodgy looks coming my way as I walk out with 4 bottles of Diet Coke.

Oh well, I find it funny and thats all that matters.

Whats on the box?

Pubs have TV's. And for some really odd reason you can't help watch whats happening on there.

Luckily for me tonight, there was the wrestling. Not something I'm really into.

So I read The Metro. Had been reading it for a while and glancing up at the TV everynow and then, for no reason at all. Read the article about the Art work that was inflatable and killed people. Then looked up a little while later and the adverts were on.

The new McDonalds advert has a giant inflatable McDonalds that everyone gets on and has a great time getting fast food. Even ends with the great line "I'm Lovin' It".

Hope you catch it before its taken off. Much like the artwork.........ooohhhhhhhhhh!

But then not long after this the wrestling started again..............and it was the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life.

Words can't describe how good it was so I will hand it over to the official site


"Speaking of Divas, SmackDown’s finest females met in a tag match that pit Ashley and Jillian against Kristal and Michelle McCool. In what might be a preview of the Fourway Bra and Panties Match at the Bash, Jillian tore off Kristal’s top off from behind, allowing Ashley to roll up Kristal for the pin."


So, the idea of the game. Get four fit skimpily clad women to wrestle. Sounds good.....but lets knock it up a notch. Hey I know, they have to undress each other to win. BAM!

Yes the loser was the person left in their undies. I have never wanted four people to lose so badly in my whole life.

So the blondes won in the end. And then stripped of to their thongs and what not anyway. For no other reason then they knew thats what we all wanted to see.


God Bless you pub TV.

May you have more from the FSCWW. (Fit Scampily Clad Women Wrestlers)

I'm hoping someone adds this to yuotube within the next couple of days. I can't wait to see it again!

and again


and again.......

A new low for the public

I don't really like the general public. I am happy to admit this.

I finished work and was at the local public house with friends and my manager called me and asked if I was alright. There had been an accident where I catch my bus and she was concerned about me. Thats nice of her.

I went and caught my bus from one stop before where I normally get mine.

The driver had a un-canny resemblance to Maradonna.

The bus I got went about 30ft and then came to a halt. At the traffic lights were two police cars blocking the way. People were standing up and trying to see what was happening.

We waited a good 5 mins and then, enough is enough and I went up to the driver and told him what my manager had told me.

"Look mate, there has been a road accident up there, a bus has gone into a car and the ambulance and fire brigade are cutting people out of the car. Is there any way you can go around?"

My friend on the bus was shouting "Use the hand of God and work a way around!"

So he turns back to me......"Really?"

What? No I am making this up. I see two police cars and this is what my mind came up with.

His course of action? Well isn't it obvious he sent ME out to ask the police how long it would take.

I walked out and found the first po-po/bobby I could and told him that I have a retarded bus driver that wants to know what to do. The policeman told me what I had already told the driver, "You're gonna have to take a detour and sort it out that way"

I went back and told him this so he.......got me to tell everyone else on the bus.

I did my duty and told everyone the route we were taking, anyone wanting a closer stop had to get off. My friend did.

This left me with the most abnoxious and ignorant woman ever.

As we came to the traffic lights, instead of going left we went right, she stood up and looked out the window and stared at the accident. It was horrible. I felt really bad for all those involved. she says

"There's some kind of accident"

"Yeah I know I just said that to everyone on the bus."

"Yeah looks pretty bad"

At this point I just put my headphones in, while she was looking at me, and pressed play. However, she kept talking to me.

After about 10 mins of her talking at me while I had my headphones in I gave up and took one earphone out. I would like to point out that I had been drinking so spoke my mind.

"Well this has worked out ok for me"

"You what?"

"This route means I don't have to walk any"

"Well......as long as this worked out for someone its all good I guess"

"I know its a wierd thing to say"

"Not wierd.......thats a horrible thing to say"

"Well maybe it is horri....."

"No actually its the worst thing I have ever heard anyone say, people are getting cut out of cars, but thats ok cause you don't have to walk home"

"I was just saying......"

"Don't, don't ever just say again. Thats horrible."

As she got of the bus she shouted something at me, but I had my pod in so gave her the finger.



On my way home my friend that got off the bus rang me and told me he saw one of the injured walking along turning to everyone and saying.


"Sssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm ok Sssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh"


Will nothing stop this man!

Wait a min thats just not right at all/Daddy cool

Two posts for the price of one.

Life is full of mis-matches. You will see this when you are walking down the street. The very pretty girl walking hand in hand with the complete idiot. The guy that screams at her for no reason and starts shouting and swearing as he limps along in his tracksuit each foul word that escapes his mouth gives you more insight into his mouth where you can see his jagged black teeth, his mouth looks like some kind of rusty bear trap.

But its not just on the street where you can see these odd couples.

This ultra-hot woman is dating and IS thinking about eloping with this idiot.

How and why?

Hang on there is more, this stunning curvy lovely is going out with this idiot! Christ he is using a tie as a belt! Yaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!

Something is definately wrong with the world.

But this ties in quite nicley with my next bit.

Gave a girl at work my number. Took her while but she started texting me. All good me thinks.
Now, the last time I saw her at work (she's a customer by the way) she couldn't walk in a straight line and was laughing all the time.

Me, I know exactly what makes me do that. Alcohol.

So, we're texting and everything is cool........until I send one that reads something like

"Was it my imagination or were you a bit tipsy the other night?"

The reply made me feel like the bastard I am.

"Tipsy? No. I had an accident that day. I have been down the hospital all day today. Can hardly walk"

I apologised, but alas no word back. No shock there I guess. Maybe....just maybe this is where the idiots are winning. Cause they know the difference between a girl that had an accident and someone that is drunk. Their perceptive minds are obviously far greater than mine.


But still.......Billy Zane and Jim Carrey deserve each other not the women they are with.


Makes me sick.

Hang on......you're right!

Jecca stayed over last night. We went to my room to watch Corpse bride (she has great taste). She wanted to watch it in my room cause I have a big tv.

We both fell asleep watching it.

Somehow, during the night ended up sleeping horizontal across the bed. I was woken up during the night by her kicking me in the head.

She eventually woke up properly at 6:30. I was woken up straight away by her asking me....

"Can you put some Futurama on?"

Hell yeah I can. Good girl.

We watched some episodes, then she got this puzzled look on her face.

"Whats up?"

"Bender was just in the shower, but he's a robot so how can he do that?"

I understand why she would be confused by this but wanted to see if she got it all.

"why is that a problem?"

"cause he's a robot so, wouldn't he die?"

I was stuck in one of those situations that you can't talk your way out of because the other person will know when you are lying, but if you work hard you might be able to get out of it without going into to much detail.

"Well, that is in the future so maybe they have come up with a way to make robots so that they can go under water."

She accepted this and we carried on watching and enjoying the shows.

Later on I showed her the Dr Who game, brought to you by the great Randomlinkage. She loved it.

Now we are playing the game, and we get to the door bit. The first one we look at it, I click on what I think is the right answer.

"No, its not that one! its this one"

Crap it, she was right and I was to proud of her to be mad.

But then she didn't get the next one, so that balanced that out


HA! Take that, not so quick at doing maths then are ya!

On both these occasions I would turn to her and say

"Well done, good thinking there"

She would just wink and tap her head give a little grin that just screams at me to start learning things, cause very soon she IS going to be smarter than me...........and you.

And when she's running the country you're buggered. I'm ok cause I can straighten her hair and do make up and stuff like that.



I feel sorry for you, but have fun reading all those text books!



Muahahahahahahahaha

I was *rolls dice* nicely hungover!

I went out last night (Wednesday night). I partook in the alcohol, or what ever the kids are calling it these days.

Now the only issue with this is that I have no idea what happened. I woke up on the sofa fully dressed and lying on a letter asking me to go to jury duty.

Having read these books growing up here is the Fighting Fantasy version of what happened.

Option one.

Had a couple of drinks, literally only a couple, and had a jolly good evening. Was pleasent to everyone that I came into contact with. Got in to a nice and pleasant conversation with a pretty girl, who I had a lot in common with and we enjoyed each others company. Walked around very stable with my friend and we made new friends at every turn. Got on to the dance floor and had a very jovial time, not knowing the songs meant that I had to take the mickey and fun was had by all. Left the club and got something to eat. Then got a taxi home, which I was happy with the service and paid in full straight away not wanting to upset the driver. Had a very interesting conversation and got to learn about the driver as a person. Got home nice and easily, walked in found the letter asking for jury duty and passed out from the shock.

Option Two.

Had a couple of drinks to start with. But when I got the the club found out that shots and bottle beer was £1, so walked around the club clutching 3-4 bottles at a time, giving nasty glances to anyone that came near me (they may or may not have been after my beer). Tried to get into a conversation with a girl (I hope it was a girl) but after 30 seconds of me slurring all my words apart from "Breasts" and "Me likey" she walks away leaving me talking to a fire extinguisher. The girl/fire extinguisher wasn't the conversationist I was after so staggered from floor to floor occasionally falling over and laughing at myself for it. Went to the bar for more drinks, not that i needed it. Shouted at random people at every available turn. Got on to the dancefloor and made it apparant to all and sundry that I was some kind of drunk epileptic spaccer. Left the club before I was kicked out and fell into a kebab shop. Hurled abuse at the people serving and demanded "MEAT". Ate my food like some kind of drunk epileptic spaccer that hasn't seen food for about a year. Hailed down a taxi by shouting. One came up with flashing lights. After a good long look at them finally worked out "Hang on..........whoah whoah........slow down. You're coppers". The police, rightfully so, forced me into a taxi and sent me on my way. After trying to explain where I am going to the driver I get bored and go to sleep. Some how he gets me home and I make it into my house without dying. I find the letter, can't read it to save my life so decide to have a nap before going upstairs to bed.

No idea which one is the truth, if you want to hazard a guess or even add you're own version then please comment. If you saw me and actually know what state I was in then please do NOT comment.

have a feeling it was very bad.

We have the Evidence

Here we go, the pictures from the Sci-Fi day out.

Jecca looking stunning as always.

I bought her a bridesmaid dress for Xmas, and she *had* to wear it "in case the Dr was there".

I can see where this is going and I can see me having harsh words with Mr Tennant, err I mean the Dr.


But anyway, pictures to be found here

Easily Distracted

I have been moaned at that I am not working hard enough on the whole Hating it here pages.
Well I have had a lot on my mind recently, and its a little mind so can only deal with a few things at a time.

Main reason, ITS THE WORLD CUP!

Next reason, I have had my mind thinking about............things.

Next and last reason, I am currently addicted to Youtube. Its a cracking site. Go there log in and search and comedian or funny show........or any show and you will have loads of clips. Some people have made themselves which can be a bit hit and miss. but there is some quality.

This week I have been mostly watching Dane Cook, Will Ferrel, Ben Stiller, Steve Carrel, William Shatner and Chris Rock.

But its not just funny videos. You also have serious ones. And the only serious ones I have bothered with are football ones. Every now and then you get the two combined, comedy footbally video-y thing-y.

Wayne Rooney.

NEW Wayne Rooney this one should take you to the funny Wayne Rooney Video. Try it! THE GIANT RADIOACTIVE RUBBER PANTS COMMAND IT! (No-one gets it)

I also really like this one. Simple little idea and well made. It gets two thumbs up.


So thats all I am doing. And until something really interesting happens or we win the Cup I probably won't post for a while.


Sorry.


PS Been at it again. Two words people. Robot Chicken. Those not in the know its brilliant and funny and you should watch it all. There is loads of stuff on youtube.

The BESTEST!

Not much I can add to this.

EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS EVERY WEEK

It will be updated each week most likely on a Sunday, cause after the show its bed time.

Link to the right.

She types it all herself and has now said

"I love the internet"

Loves the internet, likes Marines, loves futurama and likes rock music.

I'm doing something right!

Let the Geekyness Commence

Jecca is a sensible girl (mostly) she likes good things (....mostly). She has gone crazy on Dr Who. Loves the show. Loves Rose. Had her haircut to look like her more. made me sad.

But none the less, I took her to a Sci-Fi show today.

It was at the National Space Center. Had a really good day. They had loads of Dr Who stuff, that jecca really liked. Loads of Alien stuff and even Firefly stuff!

Oddly though, all the Firefly had "No Photography" signs all round it. And a random woman watching you as you got closer to it making sure you didn't take any pictures. Felt like shouting "No pictures, no pictures" everytime I went back to have another look.

I took loads of pictures, but unfortunately on a real camera, so you will all have to wait till I get them developed and scanned.

Jecca was scared by Davros and the Daleks. REALLY didn't like them, but they were squirting water at people so I held her close and got her to watch so that she saw the funny side and just enjoyed herself. Didn't want her to go home just remembering being scared. i thought that was the right thing to do, see her scared just pick her up (me being brave and strong I can handle any danger and will save her) and just showing her there is nothing to be scared of from a safe distance.

Which brings me nicely to my fav point of the day.

Dad: Go and stand next to the Dalek for a picture son.
Son: *shitting himself* err...........no
Dad: get over there for the picture. I want a picture of the Dalek.
Son: I don't want to.
Dad: get over there!
Son: No *starts crying*
Dad: Fucks sake! *pushes camera into sons chest, storms over to Dalek, stands there smiling like a cunt* Take a fucking picture.

No his kid was about 8ish he was like 30. I wanted to hit him so much.

My version of this conversation.

Craigy: Want your picture next to a Dalek?
Jecca: *Shitting herself* NO!
Craigy: Ok, who do you want a picture next to?
Jecca: The army!
Craigy: Army?...........you mean the Marines? The marines from Alien?
Jecca: YEAH!
Craigy: Lets find them! Jecca....you are quality.
Jecca: I know!

We did and I hope it turns out cause its going to be a great picture.

It was a top day, made all the better by Jecca having a great time as well.

Not much more you can ask for.

But this badge didn't go a miss!

You Make Me Uncomfortable

Went to get my haircut today. I go to a barbers, cause I don't see the point in having my hair styled and coloured. Some people do, fair play but thats not my bag baby.

One of the main reasons I like the barbers is, you walk in, wait your turn. But shit when it is your turn you are in and out of that chair quciker than if you went to the toilet!

No mess no fuss, tell 'em what you want they do it all for £8! Plus you get a tissue, today I got two! Its for the loose hair you sick minded reader.

One thing I don't like is that you have to make conversation with someone that you don't know. If you upset them........well aside from giving you a bad haircut they could cut and kill you.

But today I got another reason to hate being in that chair.

I'm sat there caped and everything, me I put my elbows on the arm rest of a chair with my hands meeting across my belly. So my elbow is sticking out a bit.

The guy that was cutting my hair stands next to me (facing me) while cutting my hair. Nice and normal, hang on he just took a step forward........and another one. HOLY SHIT! WHAT PART OF.........HIM IS TOUCHING MY ARM?!?!?!?!? Please note I am looking at myself in the mirror as all of this is happening. I looked scared. I moved my arm, he stepped forward again to make his......touch my arm. In the end I moved my arm completely from the rest and just wished for the whole thing to end. Was kind of hoping for a discount, but alas I wasn't given one. Maybe if I had have kept my arm there for a little longer.

But I felt violated in all the wrong ways.


Also saw a guy today wearing a black polo shirt.


And pink trousers.


*blink*


No, that really happened.