Homage/Rip Off

This was a post on the most humourous site that leads anyone here.

Now I cannot remember the first single or even the first album I bought. To be honest I stole a lot of music from my brother and that sent me off in all kinds of crazy tangents.

My best friends in the world opened my ears to many other wonderous things......such as D-Rock!

But seriously I wish I could remember the first album I bought.

I recall getting Pearl Jam Ten for £10 which I thought was funny. Heard they were good, and it was a funny price. They are my favourite band. EVER. I will one day get a Pearl Jam tattoo I love them so much.

So, because I can't recall my first album/single I am going to tell you all my favourite 13 songs.
Music should do one of 2 things. Move you emotionally or remind you of something. Dance music is good, if you want to get up and dance, and goth music works if you wanna feel shit, thats what I mean about music affecting you emotionally.

Hopefully, unlike the above linkage, this will lead to opening doors for you and not moking for me.

In no order, APART FROM THE FIRST TRACK.

1, Pearl Jam, Coudroy. This song in a nutshell makes me feel alive. I have played it to people and they have said that it speaks about me. Some parts do, some don't. I love it so much it hurts sometimes.

2, Al Green, Lets Stay Together, Reminds me of 2 years when I was truely happy.

3, Chairmen Of The Board, Give Me Just A Little More Time. The emotion that the guy sings with......its incredible. This is a real song. Its outstanding.

4, National Express, Divine Comedy. Reminds me of someone very special.

5, Lullaby, The Cure. Its the creepiest song ever written and it gives me chills just thinking about it.

6, Dumb, Nirvana. I don't care either the original or the acoustic. More the acoustic. Such an amazing song.

7, Into the Void, Nine Inch Nails. All differnet sounds that shouldn't work together...........but do. Love it.

8, I Just Don't Think I'll Ever get Over You, Colin Hay. Helped me through some real bad times.

9, Lady Elanor, Lindesfarne. Again another creepy song that grabs you by the magic sack and demands your attention. Props to my mum for this one. Made one of my friends cry when he first heard it.

10, Float On, Modest Mouse. Go on....listen to it and tell me it doesn't cheer you up.

11, Bullet In Your Head, Rage Against The Machine. I have injured myself for days rocking out to this.

12, Please, Ray Lamontagne. Again a very heart felt song that hits me and I can agree with.

13, Trippin' On A Hole In A Paper Heart, Stone Temple Pilots. If Modest Mouse didn't do it for ya, this will. You will have a smile on your face and feel better after listening to this.


I am so tempted to name many other tracks, but I won't.

Without these 13 tracks I probably wouldn't be the sarcastic bastard that everyone hates.

I would be someone better............maybe.

Cruise-ing Along

A big exec sits in his office on the phone.

"Yes Sir, right away Sir. I'll get right on it."

*Hangs up the phone, presses intercom button*

"Can you send him in please?"

Exec sits at his desk looking at the closed door. A cat flap, flaps. The step ladder next to the door moves up, hovers and moves over to a chair. Sound of someone moving up the steps.

"Hello Mr Cruise"

"Its Lord Cruise now"

"Riiiight, we need to talk..."

"About scientology?"

"Well kinda, look its your behaviour recently...."

"Yeah its Scientific, isn't it? Jumpers for Spaceships"

"Look Tom I need you to be silent"

"But how can I tell you about the wonders of Scientology if I am silent?"

"*sigh* Ok, put your finger on your lips. You have been going a bit........well, mental recently. Yelling at people about Scientology, demanding massive wages for piss poor performances. For crying out loud you're no Brad Pitt. And what the hell was with your dancing on BET?"

"I was trying to show the kids how funky and fresh my moves are.......word to your Momma" Tom smiles his smile showing ALL teeth*

"Tom your hypnotic teeth tricks will not work on me. Look we are going to drop you"

"But why? You want to sign me on for many more years *flash of teeth*"

"Tom, once again that won't work on me. The network is scared of you since you were on Oprah"

"So I jumped on the sofa a bit and *does quote hand thing* maybe got a bit carried away with the Scientology thing"

*Exec pushes a button and a big tv rolls down behind him. Lifting a remote and without turning around he switches it on. This is the next 15 seconds on that screen.*

"Yeah..........I don't remember that"

"I suppose you don't remember acting school either, don't make me put on War of the Worlds"

"No please do"

"We don't have time for this, you're fired please leave"

"You can't fire me I quit!"

"Actually I said it first so you are fired, you didn't quit"

"But thats what I'll tell people"

"Thats nice.............now please leave"

"Can I at least keep my trailer?"

"*sigh* we thought you might ask for that. *opens a desk drawer and places the toy Optimus prime on the desk* There you go now please leave"

"I can't carry that! I'm not a Giant! Have someone drive it to my house. *jumps of the chair, runs over to the cat flap crying and arms flailing. He reaches the door and stops, turns around wipes his nose on his sleeve. And gives the finger*"

"Oh, you wanna play like that huh Mr Tough Guy? Lets make this interesting. *presses intercom* Release the hounds."

I'm not dead.......yet!

Hello again interweb.........OF TOMORROW!

I have been away for a while...........what do you mean you didn't notice?

Well screw you.

I have been away cause my credit card expired and I didn't notice so had stopped paying for my interweb connection, and didn't notcie. Got cut off and noticed right the bloody way!

Not having my computer on all the time meant I had to find other ways to entertain myself.

1, Adultswim have a 2 hour marathon every night on the Bravo channel. Its aces. It starts ad midnight and has Robot Chicken, Venture Brothers and of course Sealab 2021. Its crackingly good.

2, There is a new drink out called Slate. Its brill. I love it. More hardcore and manly than say a Smirnoff Ice. Its bourbon!


To be honest the best thing to hve happened recently is Kelly is appearing back online more often, and so am talking to her. In between her busy lifestyle/time zones.

But its ace to have her back!


So until something of some kind of interest happens, catch you later!

Can-dee BAM

Sweeties are great and wonderful things. They come in all shapes, sizes and colours.

Sweets are enjoyed by everyone, see here and here.

Its the colours that are most important. The colours are what define the flavour, and the purple/black ones and red ones are always the best. The worst are ALWAYS the green ones. No-one likes the green ones ever.

My little brother still refuses to eat the green Smarties. No idea why, he can't even explain it.

Ages ago, I bought a packet of Opal Fruits (thats their real name) to eat with Jecca while we watched Labyrinth for her first time. I decided that we should split up the sweets so that it was all fair. We pour the sweets out and she starts picking up all of the purple, red and some orange ones. Leaving me green and some orange.

Craigy: Whats happening here, why do I get all these ones?
Jecca: *a look across her face like I should know* Cause those *pointing at green* are horrible.

I would have been mad if she didn't make such a damn good point.

So colour defines flavour in sweets.

Or does it?

Yes my friends the marshmallow. The only sweet in the world that no matter what colour it is, it still tastes the same. Why?


Really I want someone to explain to me why marshmallows all taste the same.


Answers on the back of a postcard to the usual address.

Mine or Yours?

I hate it when you are talking to someone and they rub their nose. Not a normal rub using both thumb and fore-finger and kinda pinching their nose. I am on about the single finger single nostril rub.

When you are talking to someone and they do that my immediate reaction is "Shit I have something hanging out of my nose, which nostril are they trying to tell me its in?"

It is at this point that the world is split (cleaved if you will) into two equal parts. Lets say that the person you are talking to is rubbing their left nostril. Now are they the sort of person that belives that they are a mirror view of you so you should get that crappy bit of dried up snot from your RIGHT, or are they the kind of person that is showing you the exact nostril that the scabby green/red/orange/some new kind of colour dried up snot is hanging out of?

Because they are obviously to embarresed to tell you about it you have to do the thumb and fore-finger both nostril pinch and pray that you feel something.




But you won't.


It is at this point where everything goes crazy.

The person you are talking to just rubbed their nose, and then you did. This makes them think that they have loosened some crusty booger and it is now hanging from their nose. They will now rub their nose and then you will do the same. The same awkward glances are shared between the two of you as you try to discover the offensive matter that is dangling from your nose.


Just speak damn you!

We don't live in that a polite world where we can't just yell

"Hey scumbag! Would you please get that bo-gey out of your nose and show it to the group so we, as men, can look at it and be impressed/embarressed by you with its huge/lack of size."



You are sickened, yet you know its true. I have had to actually stop myself from waking girlfriends to show them the size of ear wax/bo-geys in the past.


Come on you know you want to as well!