My mum and dad love to buy random crap. They are the type of people that will buy any gadget going cause "It will make their life easier".
Yes they are the type of people that bought a bread maker when they first came out. 1st question is obvious, did they ever make bread before buying this machine? Answer, No. After the first couple of months of having this new toy did they stop making bread and now is the bread maker just gathering dust in the kitchen? The answer is yes.
I remember some years ago my mum and dad went to a craft fair. Those of you not in the know about such affairs won't thank me for pointing out that its where women go to buy things to make other things. It is in places like this that you can purchase such things as coloured card, crimpling scissors, cross stitch patterns and so on. My mum is in to this sort of "Make it yourself cause its cheaper and more personnal" where in reality it should be "Make it yourself, it'll take more time and cost more, what with all the materials and what not plus all the tools for crimpling, and to be fair the only personnal thing about it will be the amount of blood you have dripped onto the f^&4ing card from all the bloody papercuts...........but its the thought that counts".
Anyway, my mum and dad return from the craft fair I ask them what they have bought.
Mum: A new car.
Craigy: *Puzzled* Sorry, you got that from the craft fair?
Mum: No on the way I saw it and thought it was good so I got it.
Craigy: *puts himself in the exact same position, If I was to see a car and think I must have it what kind of car would it be.......a nice flash one* What car did you get?
Mum: A Volvo.
Craigy: So you got a wardrobe on wheels, great.
This story just amuses me, but we are getting to my point. My mum and dad buy crap. Crap that they will never use.
So this morning my new credit card arrived and the tiny sticker on the front tells me to sign the back. I walk around the house trying to find a pen, and low and behold I can't find one.
But then, I happen across.........a quill.
Its a massive purple quill. Its in my kitchen right now.
I thought about looking for some ink, or even still looking for a pen, breaking it and using the ink for the quill just so when I go to the shop to use my card and they can't see my signature I can seem clever and sophisticated
"Has the ink rubbed off again? Sorry but I could only find goose ink to use with my quill today"
Of course all of the sophistcation goes right out of the window when I m stood there in my Tool t-shirt.
Perhaps if I wore a monocle..........and a top hat?
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With this purple quill you will slay all comers at this years Pimp's Ball.
Whore: Craigy I love you!
Craigy: (strutting) Shut up baby, I know it!
BORED! Boredboredboredboredbored.
I was quite bored the other day.
You? Bored at work?
Well now I've heard everything.
Have you heard a man eat his own head?
Yes.......yes I have.
It was because he was bored at work, and sober.
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