Welcome to Lynch-ville

Went out drinking with the Col and Trench on Friday. Not my first choice of companions but you gotta deal with what you got.

Anywho, we had plenty to drink, and I walked home.


Now all of this is all above board and nothing out of the ordinary at all.


Until......


I am walking down the road and notice a truck. Just the truck, no trailer. Its kinda parked up. On the opposite side of the road facing me is a car.

They are both just stopped there. As I get closer to the truck it slowly starts to move along. Almost as if its trying to make a get away.

The car on the other side, I notice, has its door open.......there is no-one inside it.


I am very confused. "Has there been an accident? Where is the driver to that car?" These are just some of the questions running through my drunken mind as I come round to the now stationary truck. I look up at the driver, he is on his mobile phone and points to the otherside of the road.


I look over and see a guy sprawled out on the pavement.



Ok, now I am worried, it really looks like there has been an accident.


I go over to the guy.

"Dude you ok?"

He just kinda mumbles and gargles at me. There is vomit next to him and he is writhing about the bloody place.

What am I meant to do? I look up at the trucker and mouth "What the fuck should I do?"

He just waves at me, and points at his phone. Oh alright, then mate you're in charge cause you're on the phone........hang on a second.


This guy is lying here, the car with the door open is a good thirty foot away. So did someone hit him stop the car and leg it? Is there some mad driver running wild in the streets?

Before I can even think for one second a police car comes flying up. Two coppers (proper British me) get out. One walks over to the car the other walks over to me.

Woman Copper: "Whats happened then? Did you see anything?"

Craigy "Err, not at all. I just turned up. I've tried talking to him but got nothing."

The copper then starts trying to talk to the guy, asking him his name, and he just kinda whimpers and moans a lot. This whole time he has his eyes closed.



The trucker comes over quite calmly. "Worked this out yet then?"

Sorry mate but no I haven't. Hang on......is this just a stunt? Is this just some eleborate riddle that I am meant to work out.

The copper politely points out that she hasn't worked it out yet, and carries on trying to get some kind of information from the weirdo on the floor.

She looks up at us, "I can't smell any alcohol on him, I don't think he's drunk."


Then why in Gods name is he 30ft from his car and thrown up?


The other copper comes over.

Woman copper: I can't smell alcohol. I don't think he's drunk.

Bloke copper: No he wouldn't be.

Hold the phone, stop the press. We have a clue. Somthing significant this way comes. We all stand there with baited breath desperate for this next nugget of information.

Bloke copper: There's a syringe in the front seat.

At this point, they all started laughing. No I mean proper laughing, like the end of Police Squad when they have completed the case laugh and freeze. Thats what they did here. I really did expect them to freeze and I would have run away, instead they stopped laughing as quickly and as in time as they started.

Woman copper to me: If you didn't see anything you can go home.

Craigy: Err fair play then.


And off I ran.



I could only think then, that this guy is driving alog and shooting up. He feels a little woozy, pulls over to throw up. but then the drugs kick in and he thinks he's a mango and can't get up or talk to anyone that comes up to him.


Bit that makes me smile the most is imagining his face when he wakes up in prison.

"Whoah dude, thats totally heavy shit.....where am I?.........ah bugger"