So I went to Jecka's birthday party the other day. She has a friend, he's a boy.
He's..............special. I think he will really like the Village People when he grows up *wink* if you get my drift.
Anyway, this odd little boy is the proud person that has said The Most Random And Odd Comment Ever to me.
We are sat at a long table. I got to sit with the kids(which suited me fine because it meant I got all of the leftovers and no-one could see me to give me any grief.
He keeps calling me to get my attention, but I was talking to Jecka, I finish talking to her and turn to him.
Odd Little Child: Jessica's dad?
Jecka's dad (Me): Yep?
OLC:: Some people believe in war.
Me:*tryin not to look scared or laugh* err............do you?
OLC *shrugs*
Thus ended our amazing conversation.
This kid is going to be around for a long time, I can tell.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Right Here Right Now
There is something magic in the universe.
It's out there, helping you out every now and then and you don't even know it.
Like me walking down to the local Tesco and literally walking side by side with Trench (whom I hadn't seen in months) and actually getting to see him.
Or like Trench going to the middle of no where to pick up a package ("Whats in the baaaaahhhhhh-x" ((yes everything comes down to a film)) ) and bumping into Dodd, for now bloody reason at all.
Well, I went with Mother Dear to Morrisons store, to get my suits dry cleaned. She had gone ahead to get something to go with the turkey for dinner while I sorted all of the dry cleaning gubbins out.
I later catch up with her and we walk about.
We make our way to the DVD bit.
Hang on is that? My goodness it is.
I bought Monk Season 3 for £5.99.
The one and only copy of it.
As soon as I got home I checked it out on imdb and amazon and its right, the whole damn series, for a tiny sum of money.
That my dear friends in UN-beatable value!
If I had not dug my suits out, I wouldn't have realised I needed to get them dry cleaned, I wouldn't have asked mother to take me to Morrisons and some other geek would be writing a blog about his great purchase.......makes you think huh?
Nah me neither, but I had nothing else to write about.
It's out there, helping you out every now and then and you don't even know it.
Like me walking down to the local Tesco and literally walking side by side with Trench (whom I hadn't seen in months) and actually getting to see him.
Or like Trench going to the middle of no where to pick up a package ("Whats in the baaaaahhhhhh-x" ((yes everything comes down to a film)) ) and bumping into Dodd, for now bloody reason at all.
Well, I went with Mother Dear to Morrisons store, to get my suits dry cleaned. She had gone ahead to get something to go with the turkey for dinner while I sorted all of the dry cleaning gubbins out.
I later catch up with her and we walk about.
We make our way to the DVD bit.
Hang on is that? My goodness it is.
I bought Monk Season 3 for £5.99.
The one and only copy of it.
As soon as I got home I checked it out on imdb and amazon and its right, the whole damn series, for a tiny sum of money.
That my dear friends in UN-beatable value!
If I had not dug my suits out, I wouldn't have realised I needed to get them dry cleaned, I wouldn't have asked mother to take me to Morrisons and some other geek would be writing a blog about his great purchase.......makes you think huh?
Nah me neither, but I had nothing else to write about.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Observations From NY
Hello, yes yes calm down I have returned.
My you are like an excited little puppy aren't you..........please stop doing that to my leg.
There is so much to tell from my trip to The Americas that I have decided to break it up.
This one will be observations, the next will be tales. Hopefully through reading these you will be able to experience NY from the comfort of your own home.
Observation 1
Crossing the street.
This is the most important, insane and possibly memorable part of the holiday. Normal system in the UK for crossing with lights is, you press the button wait for the green man. Once he has appeared to you, you may safely cross the road. Simple.
In NY this is not the case. You either have a red hand which is a stop sign. Or a white person that is walking which means that you can cross the road. Now all crossings in NY are cross roads. So you would think that all traffic would stop when the man appears to allow you to cross, but this is not the case. The direct traffic is stopped, but any car wishing to turn onto the road you are crossing is allowed to forget about the red light and start moving towards you. The first couple of days were pretty worrying as you start crossing, then a car is coming at you but the light says you can cross.
We finally worked out, this is how you spot a tourist in NY, they flinch at traffic.
General rules of thumb for crossing the road.
1, Is the Red hand up saying don't walk? If yes walk, if no walk.
2, Is the crossing light up? Walk no matter what.
3, Is the stop hand flashing at you? If Yes, walk.
4, Is the car coming towards you moving fast enough to kill you? If no, then walk. If yes run.
If you hesitate, then you have let on that you are a tourist and will be mocked by all drivers and pedestrians within a 10 block area.
You have been warned.
Observation 2,
Americans speak English. English people speak English. But for some very odd reason, no-one was able to understand us.
From the cab driver that thought we were from Israel, to the endless list of people that struggled with me saying "cheers" (which by the way means thanks in a very friendly way).
Perfect example of not being understood. We went to a Burger King
Craigy: I'd like the large Angus burger meal please.
Dopey Cashier: What?
Craigy: The Angus burger meal, large please.
Dopey cashier: *looks at the menu board.* *looks back at me* Which number do you want?
Craigy: Err.....that'll be number 5......large.
Dopey Cashier: What size, large?
Craigy: Yeah go on then.
Dopey Cashier: What?
Craigy: Yes yes YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD A F&*$ING LARGE
That last line might not have happened but you get the idea.
And any time I used the word "Cheers" I got looked at like I just dug up their Grandmother and spat on her. Its a simple word. I use it all the damn time. So America you had better start catching up with me.
Another conversation I had.
Phone in the hotel room rings.
Craigy: Hello?
Diane From The Front Desk: Hello this is Diane from the front desk how are you?
Craigy: I'm fine thanks, and yourself?
DFTFD:..........................Hi........this is Diane from the front desk?
What the hell did she think I said to her? All very odd.
You speak English, so do I........so why don't you understand me?
Observation 3
New Yorkers.
They all have iPods. They use them all the time.
When it was raining we put our hoods up and could no longer hear each other.
New Yorkers can have both ear phones in and still be able to talk and listen to anyone and everyone. Its mental.
Any New Yorker on his/her own for more than 5 minutes will call someone on their "cellular phone". Some of them will use a bluetooth head set, which makes it impossible to tell the crazy people from people on their phone, but there you go.
All crazy people will just talk to everyone.........EVERYONE! all the time.
New Yorkers are very, incredibly, stupidly, friendly.
Observation 4
When in UK and you get hungry you have to go into a pub, a restaurant, fast food place etc etc. But at night when all these places are closed you have the kebab vans turn up.
Oddly enough, in NY you have "meat carts" out during the day, but then go away at night.
In the UK you should just plain avoid kebab vans at all costs as you will most likely die after a few bites.
NY, I only had a Hot Dog, it was lovely beyond belief. All the other food smelled brilliant and make me hungry........ier just being near them.
There are lots of restaurants about but they are expensive and crappy, so just fill up on spicy meat and eat your food as you walk around.
Observation 5
As the col has pointed out:
You have Bar/restaurants, and bar/grills but where the hell where the bars?
I mean if you just wanted to sit and have a few beers you could go into a restaurant, but it was bloody expensive. £5 for a Bud? And it wasn't even a pint.
Really don't get me started on TGI Fridays.
I just wanted a normal bar.......a pub even that I could sit in and chill out. Have some beers play some pool and generally make merriment.
Observation 6
Everything is f*%£ing HUGE!
Observation 7
People will honk their car horns for any reason at all.
"There's a cloud *honk*, I'm in a car *honk*, I have a nose *honk*, I like salsa *honk*"
It must be a way of communicating with other drivers which I don't understand.
Observation 8
People in Brooklyn really do say "fuhgeddabowdid"
Observation 9
Its really funny when you hear that.
Observation 10
People really do cheer and shout when they go to the cinema. Its crazy, and kinda annoying. Not everyone does it, but still..........why do it?
That'll do for now kids.
But stay tuned as I will return with more Tales.......From.......New YORK!
Want some pictures? Well I will get round to putting them all up on the net eventually, but till then.......
Here you go,
Trench at The Big Apple.......Get it?
The Col.......and his crazy sleep deprived eyes!
A tall glass of Bud, is that not what everyone wants when they go to another country?
Really I'm asking you.
My you are like an excited little puppy aren't you..........please stop doing that to my leg.
There is so much to tell from my trip to The Americas that I have decided to break it up.
This one will be observations, the next will be tales. Hopefully through reading these you will be able to experience NY from the comfort of your own home.
Observation 1
Crossing the street.
This is the most important, insane and possibly memorable part of the holiday. Normal system in the UK for crossing with lights is, you press the button wait for the green man. Once he has appeared to you, you may safely cross the road. Simple.
In NY this is not the case. You either have a red hand which is a stop sign. Or a white person that is walking which means that you can cross the road. Now all crossings in NY are cross roads. So you would think that all traffic would stop when the man appears to allow you to cross, but this is not the case. The direct traffic is stopped, but any car wishing to turn onto the road you are crossing is allowed to forget about the red light and start moving towards you. The first couple of days were pretty worrying as you start crossing, then a car is coming at you but the light says you can cross.
We finally worked out, this is how you spot a tourist in NY, they flinch at traffic.
General rules of thumb for crossing the road.
1, Is the Red hand up saying don't walk? If yes walk, if no walk.
2, Is the crossing light up? Walk no matter what.
3, Is the stop hand flashing at you? If Yes, walk.
4, Is the car coming towards you moving fast enough to kill you? If no, then walk. If yes run.
If you hesitate, then you have let on that you are a tourist and will be mocked by all drivers and pedestrians within a 10 block area.
You have been warned.
Observation 2,
Americans speak English. English people speak English. But for some very odd reason, no-one was able to understand us.
From the cab driver that thought we were from Israel, to the endless list of people that struggled with me saying "cheers" (which by the way means thanks in a very friendly way).
Perfect example of not being understood. We went to a Burger King
Craigy: I'd like the large Angus burger meal please.
Dopey Cashier: What?
Craigy: The Angus burger meal, large please.
Dopey cashier: *looks at the menu board.* *looks back at me* Which number do you want?
Craigy: Err.....that'll be number 5......large.
Dopey Cashier: What size, large?
Craigy: Yeah go on then.
Dopey Cashier: What?
Craigy: Yes yes YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD A F&*$ING LARGE
That last line might not have happened but you get the idea.
And any time I used the word "Cheers" I got looked at like I just dug up their Grandmother and spat on her. Its a simple word. I use it all the damn time. So America you had better start catching up with me.
Another conversation I had.
Phone in the hotel room rings.
Craigy: Hello?
Diane From The Front Desk: Hello this is Diane from the front desk how are you?
Craigy: I'm fine thanks, and yourself?
DFTFD:..........................Hi........this is Diane from the front desk?
What the hell did she think I said to her? All very odd.
You speak English, so do I........so why don't you understand me?
Observation 3
New Yorkers.
They all have iPods. They use them all the time.
When it was raining we put our hoods up and could no longer hear each other.
New Yorkers can have both ear phones in and still be able to talk and listen to anyone and everyone. Its mental.
Any New Yorker on his/her own for more than 5 minutes will call someone on their "cellular phone". Some of them will use a bluetooth head set, which makes it impossible to tell the crazy people from people on their phone, but there you go.
All crazy people will just talk to everyone.........EVERYONE! all the time.
New Yorkers are very, incredibly, stupidly, friendly.
Observation 4
When in UK and you get hungry you have to go into a pub, a restaurant, fast food place etc etc. But at night when all these places are closed you have the kebab vans turn up.
Oddly enough, in NY you have "meat carts" out during the day, but then go away at night.
In the UK you should just plain avoid kebab vans at all costs as you will most likely die after a few bites.
NY, I only had a Hot Dog, it was lovely beyond belief. All the other food smelled brilliant and make me hungry........ier just being near them.
There are lots of restaurants about but they are expensive and crappy, so just fill up on spicy meat and eat your food as you walk around.
Observation 5
As the col has pointed out:
Col. Orange said...
We're thinking of introducing Pubs to Manhattan.
We'll have to hand-rear them at first, then teach them how to hunt, survive in the wild, how to use the loony traffic light system to their advantage - but eventually, I could see them thriving.
Especially if they turn carnivorous and eat all the Restaurants.
You have Bar/restaurants, and bar/grills but where the hell where the bars?
I mean if you just wanted to sit and have a few beers you could go into a restaurant, but it was bloody expensive. £5 for a Bud? And it wasn't even a pint.
Really don't get me started on TGI Fridays.
I just wanted a normal bar.......a pub even that I could sit in and chill out. Have some beers play some pool and generally make merriment.
Observation 6
Everything is f*%£ing HUGE!
Observation 7
People will honk their car horns for any reason at all.
"There's a cloud *honk*, I'm in a car *honk*, I have a nose *honk*, I like salsa *honk*"
It must be a way of communicating with other drivers which I don't understand.
Observation 8
People in Brooklyn really do say "fuhgeddabowdid"
Observation 9
Its really funny when you hear that.
Observation 10
People really do cheer and shout when they go to the cinema. Its crazy, and kinda annoying. Not everyone does it, but still..........why do it?
That'll do for now kids.
But stay tuned as I will return with more Tales.......From.......New YORK!
Want some pictures? Well I will get round to putting them all up on the net eventually, but till then.......
Here you go,
Trench at The Big Apple.......Get it?
The Col.......and his crazy sleep deprived eyes!
A tall glass of Bud, is that not what everyone wants when they go to another country?
Really I'm asking you.
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