Went to see Pirates of The Caribean at the weekend.
What can I say about it.........well not much really, apart from its crap.
Sorry if I have ruined this for anyone, but if you hadn't heard its cra by now then I am guessing you have your head buried in the sand, with your eyes closed your fingers in your ears humming Cars by Gary Numan.
It is the exact same film as the other two. Now I loved the first film. I mean I loved it. I think that it was because you had no idea what to expect from it. But after two films now you are expecting the magic from the first film back, and sadly you do not get that at all.
I will no list all things wrong with the film,
1, To many stories. Everyone in this film has a story and a plot line and also a hidden agenda. Its relentless. Everyone is double crossing everyone to the point where you no longer care.
2, Orlando Bloom is blander than a bowl of boiled rice and boiled chicken. Now thats bland eating, but he beats it in the bland battle. He can't act and is basically just there for the ladies, which is kinda pointle when you also have Johnny Depp in the film.
3, Too long. Too many stories for too many characters makes the film 5 times longer than it has to be.
4, The budget. Now this was an expensive film to make ($200,000,000 trivia fans) and you have to ask wher the buggery they spent it. Unlike the first two there ar no massive set pieces. There are boats and CG a'hoy but still where did the money go?
5, No fun. The first one was great because it was fnny and fun and everything you would want from a film. After seeing Curse of the Black Pearl the Thursday Night Film Crew were more than happy and cheery. This was not the case for two of us walking out of the third.
On the upside Geoffrey Rush is brilliant and the last 30 mins are aces.
Thats it mind.
Don't believe me?
The Amazing Sarah's little brother walked out off the film half way through.
What you want more proof. If you don't listen to me then listen to........
The Ninja!
ALSO WHAT EVER YOU DO DON'T STAY To WATCH THE CRAP AT THE END OF THE CREDITS.
ITS NOT WORTH IT.
Actually "Its not worth it" should be the tagline for the film.......and Orlando Bloom's acting career
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4 comments:
Pirate vs. Ninja debate being what it is, I don't trust a Ninja's review of a Pirate film. In the same way, I wouldn't trust a heroin pissing dinosaur's or a robots, or a robot-dinosaur pissing heroin's.
Orlando Bland? Is he blander than boiled cod and boiled white rice?
Haven't seen it, not looking forward to more rubbery fish-men pirates.
Or-BLAND-o Bloom!
Sometimes, my genius makes me so happy I cry a little bit inside.
Sometimes MY genius makes me wee, just a little.
And I'm comfortable sharing that.
The wee, or the knowledge that you do it?
...
Or both?
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