TAXI!

With my new job role I have lots of travelling to do. I have passed my theory test and am now saving up to go to Blackpool to do a two day course to pass my practical and then I can start driving about the place.

But until then I have to rely on public transport. Regular readers will be well aware that I am not a fan of this mode of getting about. I normally have to get the bus to the train station, then a train, then a taxi to wherever the hull I am going. It's a three for one.

The main issue is when I get the taxi and I give the place I need to go and they ask me what the quickest way or where abouts it is. "Is that the one near the Tesco?" I have no pigging idea to be fair as I'm new to that part of the country, didn't you just see me come out of the train station?

But today I got a new question. One that stunned me. I got off my train in Tame Bridge Parkway, which as it happens is the worlds smallest train station just outside of Birmingham. I had no money and could spy a Texaco not far off so thought I would walk up there, buy a tasty treat and get some cashback. I explained to them that I needed a taxi and asked if they had a number and also enquired as to what road we were on. "Walsall Road" was the answer. So I stepped outside and called the taxi.

Craig: Hello, I need a taxi from the Texaco Garage on Walsall road please.
Taxi person: Which one?
Craig: The texaco.
Taxi: No which road?
Craig: Oh, sorry. Walsall Road.
Taxi: (a little annoyed) Yeah I heard, but which Walsall Road?

This had me stumped. Why in the hell are there two Walsall roads in this area? More importantly why did they build a Texaco garage on both of these roads? The conversation that followed was basically me describing roughly where I was and what I could see. I mentioned the train station, and some kind of church that I could see, I even named another road name I could see and eventually we found out where I was and a taxi came and picked me up.

As I traveled around in the Taxi I started looking out of the window, as it was too bumpy to read my book, and I noticed something else that was odd. Three houses in a row, on the same side of the road. Numbered: 23, 24 then 25. ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE ROAD?

Birmingham is an odd place, and I don't like that kind of thing.


Not at all.

Best Overheard Conversation Of The Week

At Birmingham New Street Train Station.

A group of teenagers walk around laughing at very "in" jokes between themselves. They are all obviously geeks. They start daring one of them to do something, Craig's interest is aroused.

Geeky Teenager walks up to a train porter: Excuse me.

Train Porter: Yes.

Geeky Teenager: When is the next train to Babylon 5?

*pause*

Train Porter: Fuck Off.


End

Corner Of Wrong

Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on with this?

Famous, beyond awesome person turns up in shitty puppet commercial.


For no good reason.


I fear what young Mr Trench might have to say about this one.

Internet Jesus

You may or may not be aware of a certain Internet Jesus. A man called Warren Ellis.

He's a very good writer and the next book I read WILL be Crooked Little Vein. I just have to finish Valis in all of its tripped out religion mumbo-jumbo.

Anyhoo, I am friends with Warren Ellis on Myspace and I also subscribe to the Bad Signal. Which is an e-mail that he sends out every now and then when he is not over worked.

You can find him here, or even here in the White Chapel forum part.

He recently posted this as a bulletin on Myspace. I think it kicks ass.

The Three Laws Of Robotics


1.

Robots couldn't really give a fuck if you live or die. Seriously.


I mean, what are you thinking? "Ooh, I must protect the bag of meat at all costs because I couldn't possibly plug in the charger all on my own." Shut the fuck up.




2.

Robots do not want to have sex with you. Are you listening, Japan? I don't have a clever comparative simile for this, because frankly you bags of meat will fuck bicycles if they're laying down and not putting up a fight. Just stop it. There is no robot on Earth that wants to see a bag of meat with a small prong on the end approaching it with a can of WD-40 and a hopeful smile.


And don't get me started on that terrifying hole that squeezes out more bags of meat.




3.

What, you can't count higher than three? We're expected to save your miserable lives, suffer being dressed in cheap schoolgirl costumes while you pollute any and all cavities you can find and do your maths for you? It's a miracle you people survived long enough to build us. You can go now.








(c) Warren Ellis 2007

You should now go and get everything he has ever written and enjoy it all.

It's what I am aiming to do.